"Bearly" Adequate Dentistry

At the Port Defiance Zoo in Washington a Polar Bear named “Glacier” needed some dental work. Zookeepers examine the bears’ teeth daily using a series of hand signals to which the bear responds by opening his mouth. That’s how they spotted a broken canine. (Zookeepers had “no comment” on Glaciers’ own hand signals after being told he needed a root canal.) Officials don’t know the exact cause of the fractured tooth but offered speculation that Glacier may have sustained the injury while chewing his mixture of beef knuckles and femurs, fish and dog chow.


According to Dr. Karen Wolf, zoo veterinarian, dental problems in Polar Bears are fairly common and this isn’t Glacier's first root canal. Prompt treatment of the tooth was necessary to avoid the potential problems of swelling and infection. So after a week and a half of planning, Dr. Edmund Kwan (endodontist for humans) was scheduled to perform root canal therapy on Glaciers upper right canine. But, Glacier naturally, would need to be asleep for the procedure.

“He was pretty angry with me this morning,” says Dr. Wolf who explains that she tries to use the dart gun quickly as to minimize the stress on the animal. But Glacier spied the gun and is reported to then “jump up and down on his hind legs, pound his paws into the concrete, shake his head to and fro, saliva flying out of his mouth, and make a chuffing noise.” HELL YEAH!!! The Maven’d be jumpin’ and chuffin’ up a storm too! There’s a reason it’s called a “dart gun” and not “sedation dentistry.” Ever see the size of one of those? Doesn’t matter what kinda magical drugs you got stuffed in that dart, that’s gotta be painful in the ol’ keister for a long time to come! And Doc Wolf?---Here’s a lesson in non-verbal communication: in general, shaking the “head to and fro” can be interpreted as: “NO!” and “HELL NO!!”

And Doc, you wanna minimize stress? Well, consider this: Before your next dental appointment, how ‘bout The Dental Maven shows up at your house, early a.m. with a Dart Gun? Yeah. That’s right. Not really conducive to low stress, is it? Couldn’t you just slip a Mickey Finn into Glaciers’ kibble? He’d probably like that a whole lot better. And on the subject of kibble? Whose idea was it to serve up the beef knuckles? Just the word “knuckle,” chock filled with all those damn hard consonants should be enough to keep it off the menu. Best consider a softer diet for ol’ Glacier. Maybe even stick a Cuisine Art in his Christmas stocking.

It’s lovely that Dr. Kwan is donating his services for Glacier’s root canal. But the report says he won’t be getting a crown. What? Why do only half the job? After a root canal and without a crown the tooth will be more susceptible to another fracture. And The Maven can tell you that teeth that fracture once can often become repeat offenders, even without a root canal. Besides, Glacier would probably look pretty fetching with a gold canine. Give him a whole new look and probably some renewed respect in the animal kingdom. Think about it.

A Christmas Tribute to Our Brave Men and Women in Uniform

This holiday season remember those who won't be home to enjoy the warmth of family.

A Scary Look at Dentophobia

Y'all wonder why your kids are afraid to go to the dentist? Evaluating how dental matters are dealt with at home could reveal the source of the problem.  Take a look...

Mom must be hitting the happy juice on a regular basis. Kids' cleaning up the blood and mom can't stop laughing. (Nice)



A Skate?  Seriously?  Dad, make a choice and go with it:  engineering OR dentistry.

Here's a way to solidify that great bond you have with your child. Have someone else do the dirty work, like say, a brother or sister. Because siblings don't already have enough tension between them, right?



Mr. Pythagoras extracts his daughters tooth:



Step-by-step Redneck extraction!  Things you'll need: duct tape, folding chair, string and motorcycle.



Remember, as a parent you're the childs first dentist. Think about it.

Botax, Schmotax!

I hope you’ve all taken a moment to call or email your US Senators and tell them you oppose the proposed 5% cosmetic tax currently being offered as a way to fund the health care reform bill. What? You say this doesn’t affect you? Wrong!

The current wording of the Senate bill   is poised to tax teeth whitening, dental crowns (caps), veneers and dental implants as well as Botox, dermal fillers, and many more procedures. The verbiage (see text below) is such that expansion to white (tooth-colored) fillings could also be included. You may not currently be in need of one of these procedures but, at some point? Trust me, you will.

Why’s this a problem?

1. The tax lumps dental treatments into the same category with alcohol and tobacco – the so-called “Sin Tax.” That tax was put in place to attempt to modify the bad behaviors which cause the health problems that we all wind up paying for. It also helps pay the costs incurred by the current health care system resulting from the use of these products. The Maven gets that. Why, then, should someone be penalized for taking steps to maintain their oral health??? The outcome of the above mentioned procedures has the exact opposite result of the behaviors targeted by the Sin Tax.


2. The tax is punitive and places an additional burden on everyone – not just top income earners. Sixty percent of patients considering cosmetic procedures are middle income earners (between $30,000 and $90,000 per year). And what about dental crowns? Most crowns aren’t done for cosmetic reasons. A broken down tooth requires a crown no matter whose mouth it’s in – rich or poor.

3. The tax discriminates largely against women. Data shows that over 90% of individuals seeking cosmetic treatments are women. These treatments serve to enhance appearance and self-confidence which is often key to succeeding at work and other areas of our lives.

4. Doctors and dentists will have the unprecedented burden of becoming tax collectors – with all the attendant rights, privileges and gastric upset. Can you say, “MORE PAPERWORK?” Most medical and dental offices are small businesses. We already deal with Jurassic sized forms for monthlies, quarterlies, bi-annuals you name it, with the IRS, State and Local agencies. Someone’s gotta pay for all this administrivia---who do you think that’ll be?

If you haven’t already contacted your Senator, what are you waiting for? Go to http://www.stopcosmetictax.org/ where you can write your Senator, sign a petition, receive updates on the bills’ status and tell your friends. Now git!


Taken from page 2045 of current Senate Bill:
"COSMETIC SURGERY AND MEDICAL PROCEDURE.—For purposes of this section, the term ‘cosmetic surgery and medical procedure’ means any cosmetic surgery (as defined in section 213(d)(9)(B)) or other similar procedure which—‘‘(1) is performed by a licensed medical professional, and‘‘(2) is not necessary to ameliorate a deformity arising from, or directly related to, a congenital abnormality, a personal injury resulting from an accident or trauma, or disfiguring disease."

Dental News Briefs

Ian Laperriere of the Philadelphia Flyers lost 7 teeth in the Friday night game against the Buffalo Sabres. He’s back in the lineup, but wearing a specially designed shield and protective cage. (Way to “close the barn door,” Ian)

In a study published in the journal Food Chemistry, scientists have found that Red Wine keeps the cavity forming bacteria, Strep Mutans, from adhering to teeth thereby preventing cavity formation. The component responsible for this behavior in red wine is said to be proanthocyanidins. The authors state that the anti-cavity effect can be added to the other known beneficial effects of red wine. BooYah!!!

Oscar winning actress Judi Dench lost a cap off a tooth while filming BBC drama “Cranford” in London. With no time to change, Dame Dench arrived at the West London dentist in full 1840’s period costume as “Miss Matty Jenkyns.” According to Dench the dentist inquired, “Are you busy working at the moment?” (Gotta love those keen observation skills of the NHS dentist.)

A Florida dentist’s phones have been ringing off the hook. Dr. Robert R. Thousand III said both his cell phone and office phone have been ringing every thirty seconds for the past two weeks. “When the phone is answered, a phone sex message plays”, said Dr. Thousand. Efforts to trace the calls have been unsuccessful. The answerer receives the message: "If you are gay, press 1. If you are a lesbian, press 2,". News4Jax.com reports the content of the calls is too graphic to print. Dr. Thousand claims that “no enemies come to mind” and that he doesn’t know what could have provoked this. Hmmmmmm. The calls are coming into your private cell phone as well as your office? Now, who might have access to both of those numbers? Remember doc, “Hell hath no fury…” Just sayin’.

If you’re looking for that perfect gift this season for the person who has everything? Look no further than e-tailer LovedToDeath.net for their one of a kind jewelry offerings. Nothing says “I love you” quite like a Victorian human tooth necklace which comes in its own custom made black wooden coffin jewelry box. ($110.) Teeth not your thing? Then how about a professionally preserved green Parrotlet head necklace? ($350) Site disclaimer: “the Parrotlet is a New World domestic species and died of natural causes.”
(Okay. I feel better now.)

Finally, in Florida again, (apparent Mecca for the criminal dental cripples) authorities are searching for a bandit with “notably bad breath.” Dubbed the “Bad Breath Bandit,” the suspect, indicating he was armed, asked a bank teller to fill a trick-or-treat bag with cash. Likely overwhelmed by the horrific halitosis, the teller quickly complied with the request – lest the robber should repeat his demand. The suspect fled wearing a yellow, Polo-style shirt, a gold watch, and sunglasses in a white Honda Accord. Anyone with information is asked call: 1-800-STINK-POT.