Jessica Simpson Doesn't Brush Her Teeth

Anybody know what kinda crack Jessica Simpson was smoking when she “went public” with her nonexistent oral hygiene program? In case you haven’t heard, ol’ Jessie was on CelebTV.com laughing her fool head off as she told the host that she rarely ever brushes her teeth. In fact, both she and her equally “baked” host got a real good guffaw goin’ over that one. But, lest we think she’s filthy, Jess hastened to add that she does use Listerine, oh and she occasionally “uses her sweater” to clean her teeth.




-the hell?? Your sweater??? How’s that work? -And does a small gauge cable knit allow you to do double duty – like floss and brush at the same time? Girl, that’s just NASS-T!

Simpson acknowledged she might not even have teeth by the age of 60.

Sister, you’re only 30 years old. I give you 8-10 years before you’re buying Fixodent at Costco.

This story brought to mind a news item from back in January of 09 when it was revealed Jess doesn’t wash her hair but 2 or 3 times a month. (Girl, you are killin’ me here) This gives greater clarity to the comment by ex-boyfriend John Mayer, calling Jessica “sexual napalm.”

In the oral-hygiene-tell-all CelebTV interview, ‘ol Jess was lamenting about her love life and shared that she hopes she “won’t die alone.”

Well, Sister? Seems to The Maven, if you ever want to nail down a man you need to re-work this personal hygiene thing. I know the planet is going all “green” and what-not, but oral composting is not a huge turn-on. It’s one thing to look good, but smelling like a cabbage farm in mid-August is not working in your favor.

eHow has a good article entitled “How to Stay Healthy Through Personal Hygiene” that’ll serve as a good starting point for you.

Better act soon. The Maven can’t be the only one who stopped following you on Twitter. Every time you Tweet, clouds of nasty smelling vapor escape from my laptop.

A final tip:

Jess? Best not broadcast any, um, er, other personal hygiene quirks you might have, just sayin…