1. Grooming
2. Computer Usage
3. Pornography
4. Cell Phone Anomalies
5. Your Suspicions
The section on Grooming begins with the question, “Has your significant others Hygiene suddenly improved?” Seriously? Wouldn’t the antecedent question be “Has your significant others hygiene gone off the frickin cliff? Cuz, let’s face it, long before you get to “improvement” it had to suck, right? And who’s gonna put up with that? If you smell nasty or you’ve got that “I’ve been helping Mike Rowe out on Dirty Jobs” look to you? YOUR FILE HAS BEEN DELETED.
The article goes on: “Maybe you've noticed that your husband brushes his teeth every day now…” Oh GREAT! Now the dudes brushing his teeth daily? As opposed to what? Monthly? Tell you what, dude comes in looking like the Howling with breath all smelling like a dumpster in July? DELETE.
It continues: “Ladies, haven't you wondered why your husband's breath smells like pig urine when he kisses you on the cheek before leaving for work, but smells like he's eaten a package of Altoids when he gets home?” This one floored The Maven. After 20 odd years of practicing dentistry The Mave has got some skills when it comes to sniffing out dental issues, if you get my drift. But if there’s a woman out there who can discern the urine of a pig as opposed to any other animal? Well, now that there is a special skill. –and my hats off to you. But if you’re investing that much of your time in the pan-species urine analysis business, well, you might be limited in your dating options anyway, so best sit tight and not worry the details.
So here’s some inter-personal relationship advice from The Maven: If your significant others hygiene is starting to slack, or was never quite up to par? Cut that one off at the knees. Shape up or ship out. Follow this simple rule and you’ll likely never need the “Warning Signs of a Cheating Heart” advice.
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Is it a wonder that the gay man who lavishes attention on his appearance is such a draw to the ladies?
ReplyDeleteAs the proud owner of a fastidious male, I cannot imagine pig-urine breath. Not in my bed.
Kewl...if I ever date again, and figger out on the first one I dun goofed, I know how to make myself unattractive...PIG URINE BREATH!
ReplyDeleteMy question is : WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT GUY DOING TO THE PIG ????
ReplyDeleteWell Heff, now that's a very good question.
ReplyDeletePornography? That takes out a large percentage of the population. Might want to rethink that. And I'm assuming this the usual article that blames all men for affairs?
ReplyDeleteMy ex cheated and STILL didn't brush his teeth. EVER. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteSomeone up there likes me
There's a lot of things I could put up with in a man but very poor dental hygiene is not one of them.
ReplyDeleteMy husband loves going to get his teeth cleaned, maybe I should be worried?
Hi Mayor: Many dentists do barter. Here's a recent article about how common this is in NYC: http://wcbstv.com/topstories/bartering.nyc.business.2.1584651.html
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by!
Hello all,
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