Sunday, July 4, 2010

Grosse Corvette, p’tite quéquette

Just as the saying goes:  “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere”….there’s always a hockey tournament somewhere too.  Last week One Hockey hosted their annual summer tournament in Philadelphia and The Mave’s sons' team was there.  It’s a 4 day tourney and being a working gal, The Mave met up with the team the night before the finals.

It was sheer hell not being there for the qualifying games but Miller Light Mom graciously drained her iphone battery, texting The Maven with minute by minute updates. Our first game was against the Quebec Selects, (the team which remained undefeated and went on to win the tournament) and we got our a**es handed to us in a 11-1 defeat.

In addition to the butt whooping, the Quebec-er parents’ conduct was equally chafing.  The Mavens’ decidedly positive opinion of all Canadians is now changed due to the snotty behavior of a few self-aggrandizing Kay-Beck mommies.

Immediately following the game, a Kay-beck mom came up to one of our dads and said in her Fwench akzent:  “What happened?  Why zee beeg dees-crepe-enzee (discrepancy)?  I felt zo bad for zem!  I wanted to go out and play for zem.”  Uh, was that supposed to be an olive branch?  Cuz, Seriously?  That’s freaking insulting, Madam.  Sure didn’t seem like you wanted to help out when you and vos copains were belting out the O-lay’s right up to the 11th goal.  And I must say, neither your dress nor your, er, morphology is consistent with any type of athleticism.  At all.  So save your self-proclaimed prowess for the Canadian Checker board.

When She spied those shoes, The Mavens first thought was, “Huh…I didn’t realize Payless ShoeSource had locations in Canada.”  Then, moving north of the Beyond Thunderdome kicks…what’s up with that hair?  Was that intentional? You might want to give the Clairol hotline a buzz and get this thing resolved.  I know you Kay-Beckers think you’re the pinnacle of fashion, but, honey, that sort of hair calamity went out with oversized shoulder pads. And speaking of fashion mishaps…where ever did you find those knickers?  Looks like your lower half is fixing to attend the Irish Open and your upper half is awaiting the next Madonna concert. Pick a genre, Girl, and stay with it.

Hmmm.  And what have we here????

Tres chic. Certainment!  

Anyhoo…Such was our lot that our team faced the Quebec Selects in the Semi’s and met the same fate as in game one.  No doubt their team is the best in its' division in North America.  Not-with-standing their kids sporting achievements, the Quebec parents could use a little refinement.  It’s a whole lot easier losing to gracious winners. Oh, and here’s a take-home tip from The Maven:  it’s never good to mock the opposing teams’ national anthem when they’re in earshot.

Click HERE for post title translation.

*Special thanks to Tommy G. for aiding and abetting The Maven in Her Quebec-Thunderdome-mom-photo-quest.


  1. Somehow, I don't find it shocking that hockey fans have the occasional dressing faux pas.

    But I doubt it's as common as at Nascar

  2. Looks like typical yankee trash to me.

  3. Oh dear. I'm just not fashion-forward enough to have the capacity to leave a meaningful comment.

    Still, I'll give it a whirl. So . . . I'm thinking the black mesh stuff in the waist band was meant to hide thongs?

    Like I said: whatever I'm thinking is better left unsaid. Better quit while I'm a head.

    Alrighty then.

  4. Thanks for the link to explain the post title. When I read it, I almost Se pèter les bretelles !

  5. Mother: Of course, The Maven is biased, but the moms on our hockey team are not noted for their fashion gaffes.

    Hayden: easy there fella...lest you forget, The Mave is a Yank. ;)

    Lawyer: Look closely...Kay-Beck Sister spent some time, buns up, at the local body art establishment. ;)

    Heff: Touché! LOL!!!!

  6. Thanks Mave, for the link to the translation.

    Fick is landing in Paris today and a few of those beauties may come in handy...hehehe

  7. Payless? I've got to get me a pair of those.

  8. HEY !! Is EVERYONE calling you "Mave" now ?!?!

  9. Candy: Always happy to help with the off-color idioms!

    Captain: No doubt, you'd look quite fetching!

    Heff: Seems so! Were you angling to claim first rights??

  10. more reason I'm *fashion safer* to chase tornadic storms than go to hockey games. I've yet to have a storm stroll up, look me up and down, and start dissing my chosen (often poorly) attire with an opening salvo of "Heavens to Sears, what is THAT you're wearing???"

  11. Do we have the dread whale tail? :-O

  12. It's not fair to make fun of people with over the top French accents. No sport. ;-)

  13. oneypieorse - are you suggestin ze Maven iz tekkin ze pees out of ze French accent? Zut alors!

  14. Skunk: You'd have to be pretty far off the fashion map to experience grief from our fact, we'd only resort to dissin' on your Sears if you were mean to our kids, Skunk! :)

    Rabbit: BINGO!

    HPH: Nope! The Maven comes from a large family that's rich in multiculturalism...and we all make fun of each others accents. And you know what? We still love each other!! This is a non-PC-blogspot. LOL!

    Rabbit: YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

  15. POST SOMETHING NEW ! My gas is wearing off !

    "Pffftttzzz !"

    Ok, maybe I was wrong about that...


C'mon, chime in. You made it this far.