Don't Worry, It's Just An Emergency

Whilst perusing the dental news The Maven recently spotted this headline:

“Immediate treatment is recommended for people with dental emergencies”

Hmmm.  Doesn’t the word “emergency” kind of indicate that, whatever it is you’re talking about, needs immediate attention? Isn’t “urgency” implied?” Is The Maven missing something here?  But wait, it’s not just The Maven.  Here’s the definition of “emergency” from Dictionary.com :

noun

1.    a sudden, urgent, usually unexpected occurrence or occasion requiring immediate action.

Let’s try this:

Immediate treatment is recommended for people with cardiac emergencies

Immediate treatment is recommended for people with pulmonary emergencies

Immediate treatment is recommended for people with intestinal emergencies

Immediate treatment is recommended for people with urological emergencies

If you didn’t know any of the above required swift medical attention, raise your hand. 

So, what makes dental emergencies different from other emergencies?  Are we to intuit that most people who experience dental emergencies think:  “yup, this is real bad, powerfully painful, mighty swollen, probably infected,  and If I had a pair of pliers handy I’d pull my own dang tooth, but, no need to panic.   I’m sure it will be fine. I’ll just give it a few days.”

C’mon people.  Has the populous become so obtuse that we need to spell this stuff out? From the calls that come into The Maven’s office it certainly seems most people are capable of determining when they require immediate attention.  But for those who haven’t yet put 2 and 2 together and realized that unremitting, intense pain –anywhere in the body – requires immediate professional intervention?  This could be some Darwinian Natural Selection at work, so you hand raisers go ahead and wait it out. 

A Dental Appointment This Patient Won't Forget

Although She shouldn’t, The Maven continues to marvel at some of the innovative dentistry provided to very large animals – with or without their consent.

In Calgary, a nearly 12,000 pound (over 5 tons), 29 year old elephant, named Spike (someone was prescient) had his tusks capped with stainless steel.   Seems ol’ Spike busted up his grill when he got a little too frisky with a tire some months ago. This isn’t Spikes first go-round with dentistry as he’d received a prior tusk-capping back in 2002. 

In the wild it’s common for elephants to break their tusks.  There are times when a fracture is so extensive it can lead to pain and infection and sometimes death. A decision was made to replace both caps to avoid these potential complications.  Zoo veterinarian, Doug Whiteside, said that "Doing a root canal on an elephant is not an easy procedure. We try to avoid it at all costs,"  So, the cost avoiding measure turned out to be over $28,000 in time and labor for both tusks.  The article reports both “time and money were donated” yet it’s unclear if the full 28,000 was covered by said donations.

But the real cash-money will now be spent on the custom sized “Crown Holder Luxury Denims” and Radii 420 Top shoes that Spike simply cannot live without. 

It’s reported that the Bathing Ape Hoodie is presenting local taylors with a particular challenge, but they claim they are not to be out-done by the faculty as SAIT Polytechnic (makers of the tusk caps). By all accounts the Zoo has been most accommodating to the pimped out pachyderm.  However, it is noted that Spikes' perennial chant of “Where my Ho’s at?” has gone unanswered.

Katy Perry: "Anal About Oral"

In a recent Youtube interview, Katy Perry was asked to “reveal something about herself that’s unknown.”  She took this opportunity to explain, in her own way, that she’s “anal” about oral hygiene because she likes “good breath.”  

Tsk, tsk. 

My word, Katy.  The Maven’s pretty sure you didn't mean to use “anal” and “oral hygiene” in the same sentence.  At least not in this interview… Perhaps those two items are so inextricably linked in your mind, that this was some kind of Freudian-slip thingy. Or maybe you did confuse it with another interview and you were just being “oral” about your anal hygiene.  Who knows…

But, if your intention is to tell your adoring fans that you have minty fresh breath, then the choice of the word “anal” doesn’t help your cause. Stick with the basics, Girl.  Don’t stretch the obvious limits of your vocabulary.  When you use the word “anal,” it doesn’t conjure up images of orthodontically perfect, untainted, lab-coat-white teeth bathed in an odor free environment, if you know what I’m sayin…

Could this whole poor choice of metaphors be an unfortunate result of opting out of High School and going straight for your GED?  That might not have been your best move, Girl.  Perhaps your manager, should set up some media coaching for you.  But honestly?  The Mave’s thinkin’ you might have blown a few big holes through what’s left of your brain to mouth filter (oh, that would be your “Neural-Oral filter”) —best get that checked out.